NCAA

Not satisfied with adding University of Colorado and University of Utah to transform itself to a Championship Game eligible conference, the newly-formed Pac-12 announced its plan to form a PAC-144 SuperConference.

With just one full semester remaining of his Stanford education, Andrew Luck expressed dismay over the lack of architecture jobs available in today’s economy.

The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010.

Following Illinois’ 38-35 victory over Northwestern Saturday, ESPN play-by-play broadcaster Beth Mowins was given praise by many viewers for her call of the game. “It was brutal,” said Illini fan Gary Wendell. “She was as bad at calling the game as most of the men at ESPN.”

“Wow!” an exuberated chief executive, Bill Polian exclaimed. “That was your classic trap game against Cincy. I mean, they should beat us, but have such a littered history of massive meltdowns and chokes that I was sincerely worried they might let this one go. I almost considered taking Cedric Benson out on the town last night just to lock this sucker down.”

Purdue University has long been known for its rich tradition of producing high quality quarterbacks. In fact, the West Lafayette, Indiana school proudly fashions itself the “Cradle of Quarterbacks.” Rightfully so, as the school boasts alumni including Bob Griese, Jim Everett, Len Dawson and Drew Brees.

After four solid days of 24-hour television and radio coverage focusing almost entirely on the sexual abuse cover up at Penn State University, most—if not all—of ESPN’s personalities have forgotten their initial charge of broadcasting actual sport.