Purdue University has long been known for its rich tradition of producing high quality quarterbacks. In fact, the West Lafayette, Ind., school proudly fashions itself the “Cradle of Quarterbacks.” Rightfully so, as the school boasts alumni including Bob Griese, Jim Everett, Len Dawson and Drew Brees.

However, a rash of horrific play has led both Griese and Brees to publicly implore the university to reclaim the diplomas of Colts QB Curtis Painter and Broncos QB Kyle Orton.

“We had a system at Purdue with former Coach [Joe] Tiller,” said Brees. “It was foolproof! Everybody’s stats were inflated. Obviously Painter and Orton are proof that any fool could succeed in that offense—because it sure hasn’t carried over to their NFL careers.”

Griese was particularly disgusted with Purdue’s most recent contributions to pro quarterbacking.

“I can understand that nobody’s Peyton Manning,” said Griese. “But I’ve never seen one man decimate an entire Pro Bowl receiving corps like Painter. It’s a contract year for Reggie Wayne. He may as well sign with the CFL given his numbers. And did Dallas Clark just fall off the face of the planet? If Painter brushed that floppy hair from his eyes, he could at least see his tight end.”

Griese then turned his disgust to Orton.

“And don’t get me started on that guy,” said Griese. “Tim Tebow?! How can you let Tim Tebow outplay you? I mean at least let Brady Quinn beat you—Kyle’s always been used to getting beat by Notre Dame players.”

Brees has written Purdue President France Cordova with the hopes she’ll reclaim each man’s diploma.

“The only answer is to disassociate them with the school,” said Brees. “Boilermaker fans have it tough enough as it is. They don’t deserve disgrace past the college level.”

Manny L. Scoreboard