"Come on, Bud, send them back where they belong!" Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts shouted while pounding on Commissioner Bud Selig's office door. "Please, please, PLEASE! I'll be your friend since I know you don't have any!" Ricketts pleaded as Selig hid under the desk in his locked, darkened office.
"Umm, yeah, I'm not so sure," said Cubs owner Tom Ricketts. "I guess the ivy looks kind of nice this time of year."
While some are complaining that baseball's new expanded playoff format is merely rewarding mediocrity as several .500 clubs chase a postseason spot, Bud Selig is so in love with the new setup that he's opening up the playoffs to all but two teams next season.
Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.
The almighty lords of baseball patted themselves on the back this afternoon after finding yet another way to put the hurt on Cubs fans: by forcing them to endure a sweep at the hands of the last place Astros – while watching the crosstown rival White Sox sweep Boston.
Not satisfied by the six large bear claws he’d already eaten, Astros outfielder Carlos Lee has taken a Wrigley field employee hostage until “someone gets him another dozen damn donuts.”