“We’re pleased as punch to have Prince here!” said an elated Dombrowski. “However, I do want him to know he may be taking cold showers in our clubhouse, and riding a rented 1987 Greyhound bus when we travel to Tampa--at least until Uncle Sam pulls through!"
The Cubs made headlines earlier this week when owner Tom Ricketts purchased a parcel of land across from Wrigley Field where a McDonald's currently sits. Seen originally as a move to bolster the ownership's presence in the neighborhood, Ricketts revealed Friday morning that it's actually a prelude to the hopeful signing of portly free agent Prince Fielder.
Disgraced Brewers slugger Ryan Braun is blaming a leftover chorizo for the drug test he failed at the end of this season.
Just days after news leaked that star left fielder Ryan Braun tested positive for heightened levels of synthetic testosterone, the Brewers are facing another PR nightmare as newly signed third baseman Aramis Ramirez announced plans to begin training and fighting cows during the off-season.
"Italian will be Ramirez's personal pinch-runner," said Brewers GM Doug Melvin. "Aramis was very clear that he doesn't want to run at full speed during his tenure, and Italian is way faster than him anyway."