Wednesday, May 29, 2024

With Ramirez gone, Brenly searching for new player to rag on every day

“I’m sure gonna miss A-Ram. He was generous in giving me plenty material to criticize. From the lackadaisical way he ran the bases to his lazy fielding to his stupid haircut, he always gave me something to critique,” said a beer-swigging Brenly.

Aramis unaware he’s been on a new team since December

Criticism that Aramis Ramirez is a distant and aloof teammate who fails to make any sort of connection with teammates or fans was reaffirmed last weekend when the third baseman reported to spring training for the first time as a Milwaukee Brewer, yet seemed completely unaware he was on a new team.

Heckler Image: How much extra testosterone does Ryan Braun have in his body?

How much extra testosterone does Ryan Braun have in his body?

Braun’s PED suspension overturned due to little-known ‘MVP exemption’

"No one knows about it, but MLB gives the reigning MVP a ton of leeway," said one inside source. "How do you think Barry Bonds got away with as much as he did. Seven-time MVP!"

Entire NL Central demoted to Triple-A

"There simply is not enough talent, after this off-season, to remain in the major leagues," said Selig. "One team is liable to make the playoffs with 70 wins."

As Prince leaves Milwaukee, bubble bursts on saturated fried cheese industry

“I was doing 30, maybe 40 grand, per week in sales—mostly to Prince," Fried Cheese Please owner Tony Capanelli. "Then Prince left. Now I get maybe two or three old guys coming in here once a week. I just can’t keep the lights on.”

Fielder chooses to emulate Detroit by taking their money as his body falls into...

Newly signed Tiger Prince Fielder has promised the city of Detroit that he will do them proud by taking their money and rapidly decaying into an obese, ineffective eyesore before their very eyes over the nine years of his $214 million contract.