As a former manager, Bob Brenly can be very critical of ballplayers. He can constantly be heard on broadcasts deriding players for their lack of fundamentals and hustle. Now that his favorite target, Aramis Ramirez, is gone, Brenly is desperately searching for another player to take his place.

“I’m sure gonna miss A-Ram. He was generous in giving me plenty material to criticize. From the lackadaisical way he ran the bases to his lazy fielding to his stupid haircut, he always gave me something to critique,” said a beer-swigging Brenly. “Sure, there’s always Soriano, but I’m eager to find some new blood.”

He may have to wait until the beginning of the season to select his next victim. With so many new players on the team, Brenly might have a difficult time finding the right player to pick on.

“Well, certainly there’s Soriano. He sucks, but Bob’s been riding him for years,” said an unusually direct Len Kasper. “Regardless, I’m sure there are some diamonds in the rough. Maybe he can find ways to rip on Soto for being too fat and out of shape, or maybe Randy Wells for being consistently inconsistent. I have faith that Bob will find someone.”

Luckily, Brenly can count on the fact that Ramirez isn’t too far away, dozing off at third base for the Milwaukee Brewers.

“You can bet I’ll be circling those games on my schedule,” said an excited Brenly. “Now there’s another reason to look forward to visiting Milwaukee, other than the beer and the brats.”

Michael Kloempken