Just days after news leaked that star left fielder Ryan Braun tested positive for heightened levels of synthetic testosterone, the Brewers are facing another PR nightmare as newly signed third baseman Aramis Ramirez announced plans to begin training and fighting cows during the off-season.
Ramirez, who is known for having stated, “I’m entirely dedicated” to the sport of cockfighting when he is at his home in the Dominican Republic, was reportedly disappointed in the lack of chickens in America’s dairy land.
“There are barely any roosters here and the ones I’ve seen so far are fat and lazy,” said Ramirez. “How am I supposed to have cock fights when there aren’t any good roosters? I figured a cow is a barnyard animal so why not try to get them to fight each other?”
The Brewers are trying to put a positive spin on the development, hoping it will motivate Ramirez.
“If letting cows try to fight each other will make him run out a ground ball, then I say we set them up in center field and let Bernie Brewer turn them loose,” said GM Doug Melvin. “Personally, I think a cow drop would be more exciting.”