Financially destitute baseball team decides it can’t afford the luxury of a .188 hitter
The down-and-out Chicago Cubs have decided to part ways with Kyle Schwarber after a miserable 2020 campaign in which the misplaced left-fielder struggled mightily at the plate.
Remaining Cubs rush to claim Schwarber’s walk-up music
The news that Kyle Schwarber and the Cubs were likely parting ways had barely broke when Dante Deiana's phone started lighting up.
Cubs look to hire bad Harry Caray impersonating twins to replace Len Kasper
"Our budget constraints are forcing us to think outside the box to find Len's replacement."
Todd Ricketts awarded Medal of Freedom and honorary doctorate from Trump University
"President Trump awarded me an honorary doctorate from his esteemed university," said Ricketts. "From now on, call me Dr. Todd Ricketts."
Cubs fans beg team to trade Todd Ricketts next
As the Cubs' apparent sell-off of 2020 continues, fans are pleading with Jed Hoyer to make part-owner Todd Ricketts the next member of the team to be shipped out of town.
KB clarifies: Baseball isn’t fun when you hit .206
A minor controversy erupted Thursday when Cubs 3B Kris Bryant was quoted as saying baseball isn't fun for him anymore. He later clarified his comments, saying they were taken out of context.
Cubs vow to avenge Dempster by bringing him back next year
Even though the Cubs managed to trade Dempster to the Rangers for two minor leaguers, Theo Epstein is said to be miffed by Dempster's stubbornness at nixing the Braves deal and promises to bring him back to the Cubs next season as retribution.
