NFC North GM’s unaware they can sign free agents from outside division
"Unfortunately league rule prohibit us from signing free agents outside the NFC North," said Bears GM Phil Emery. "I've not actually seen this rule, but since teams in our division are only signing free agents from other teams in this division it has to be the case."
Konerko joins American Association of Retired Pauls
"By joining AARP, I get the same discounts at Denny's, Jewel-Osco and other local businesses that people like Paul Molitor and Paul Simon get."
Epstein guarantees Cubs will win 90 games over next two seasons
"Maybe we win 60 this year and 30 next season, or maybe it's 40 and then 50. I feel extremely secure in the statement that the Cubs will rack up 90 victories between 2014 and 2015."
Paul George plays entire game without impregnating stripper or taking pics of his junk
Pacers guard/forward Paul George managed to play a complete game Monday night against the Bulls without taking a single photo of his genitals or impregnating a stripper. Both exercises in self control represent a season-high for the young star.
‘I still have a perfect bracket!’ brags lying coworker
The dirty, no-good liar has been overheard making such clearly false claims as, "Mercer over Duke? Totally had that one picked", "North Dakota State? Come on guys, that was an easy 12-seed upset pick" and, "Ha, look at all these suckers who picked Ohio State over Dayton."
Phil Jackson vows to not run a team as horribly as Michael Jordan
"Michael Jordan is unquestionably the greatest basketball player ever, and I taught him a lot to help him grow into a champion," Jackson shared. "But don't you dare think for one minute I had any influence on the way that guy ruins, I mean, runs a basketball team."
Putin takes big lead over Obama in NCAA pool after first round
While Obama showed moxy in picking his alma mater, Harvard, to upset Cincinnati, Putin was dead-on with his selections of underdogs Mercer, North Dakota State and Dayton. Putin’s only losses occurred with picks of New Mexico State and St. Joseph’s, both overtime losers.
