Former Dallas Cowboys assistant head coach Tony Sparano is the new head coach of the Miami Dolphins. Sparano said his first order of business is to enforce a return to the power running game that includes pushing troubled former Dolphins to live up to their potential.

Sparano named fresh-from-probation Ricky Williams, soon-to-be-up-for-parole Cecil “The Diesel” Collins and Lawrence Phillips, who is incarcerated in California, as keys to Miami’s return to the glory years. Collins, who played for the Dolphins in 1999, is scheduled for a 2014 release. Phillips, who played for the Dolphins in 1997, has been recently sentenced on assault charges. Both are still under the 11-chance bar set by former Los Angeles Dodgers relief pitcher Steve Howe.

Sparano thanked the Dolphins’ pardons and probation department, who are working for Phillips’ and Collins’ release.

“The New England Patriots proved that whatever you do, all will be forgiven if you win all your games,” Parcells said in announcing the hiring. “I’m not going to play second fiddle to my former assistant coach. And besides, I’ve got to get Mercury Morris to shut up and get out of my office.”

By Todd Hutchinson