Cubs News
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Cubs unveil new tank top uniforms to combat day-game fatigue
“I’m almost positive we’ll draw more females to the games because of all the biceps being revealed on the field,” said Ricketts. “We’ll also be raking in merchandise money from all the fans who want to stay current by purchasing the new uniforms.”
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Cubs Week In Review: Feldmania yes, Marmolmania not so much
The week started with the Humongous Maroon collection of Gears & Widgets extending their winning streak at Wrigley Field to about 300 games.
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Cubs pretend to care about Stewart’s Twitter rant just so they can stop paying him for a while
“We’ve been paying Ian $2 million this year to do absolutely nothing,” said GM Jed Hoyer. “I really don’t care what he wants to write on Twitter, but if it gives us an excuse to stop paying him, than god bless that loveable little moron.”
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Closer Gregg suspended for arguing that he really has seven saves
When Cubs’ skipper Dale Sveum congratulated closer Kevin Gregg on earning his seventh save of the season, the right-hander was taken by total surprise, responding, “You’re full of [expletive deleted].”
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Cubs Week in Review: A trip out west, then a trip to loserville
The weekend’s brutal series loss and horrific blood letting to the Pirates shocked those Cub fans who haven’t read Ronnie R.R. Wickers novel “Game of Cubs.”
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Former Cub Tony Campana draws rail position in the Belmont Stakes
With no horse vying for the Triple Crown to spark interest in the Belmont Stakes, officials at Belmont Park have extended an invitation to Arizona Diamondbacks minor leaguer Tony Campana.
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Starlin Castro changes name to Okaylin
Unable to handle the pressure of living up to his first name name, Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro has changed his first name to Okaylin.
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Cubs Week in Review: First BP Cup since 1908!
The Cubs, the mighty, mighty Cubs DESTROYED the White Sox in three games by a combined score of 24-6 to earn their first BP Cup since the 1908 championship season (at least it felt that long).
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Sabermetrics leads Cubs to skip 2013 draft
“We looked at the numbers six-ways to Sunday and can’t find a single player at the high school or college levels that fits our metrics,” GM Jed Hoyer told the MLB Network. “In fact, less than half of our current roster fits our metrics. Have you looked at Edwin Jackson’s stats lately?”
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Ricketts admits buying Cubs just to get publicity in Vineline
Cubs owner Tom Ricketts this weekend admitted that he only purchased the Cubs so he could get on the cover of Vineline, the official Cubs magazine and his favorite reading material.
