Fans can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that baseball games are about to become much safer, after the MLB announced that they will allow fans to bring in guns to shoot down potentially dangerous projectile foul balls.
At a Mirage Hotel press conference, home town heroes Harper and Bryant explained why they will now continue the legacy of iconic Las Vegas illusionists Siegfried & Roy rather than play baseball.
Citing his unwillingness to adapt the league to keep up with professional football and basketball — as well as an unbearable “old man smell” — baseball owners voted Bud Selig out as MLB Commissioner. The lone dissenting vote came from Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf, also a crotchety old man.
Normally modest and mild-mannered, Cubs outfielder Tyler Colvin has unleashed a new beast this spring by taking every opportunity to show Mesa-area ladies the chest scar he incurred late last season when he was impaled by a broken bat.
Spring Training is months away, yet Hawk Harrelson is in midseason form, already rationalizing Adam Dunn’s career strikeout total. The newly acquired DH has over 1,600 whiffs and averages about 180 a season.