NHL cancels holidays, month of December, passing of year
“If we’re going to get serious about playing hockey in 2012, this ticking of time thing has got to stop,” said Bettman. “I decree it perpetually November 21 until further notice.”
Patrick Kane arrested for SWI in Switzerland
"Mr. Kane was not the only one on the hill," a police spokesman said. "But he was the easiest to catch as he had never skied before."
Bettman lobotomy ends in failure after doctors realize skull is empty
On Friday, shortly after his two-week hiatus announcement, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman underwent major surgery. In an attempt to make him a more rational person, the owners attempted to have him lobotomized.
NHL, NHLPA stuck on whether to move Canucks, or burn Vancouver, then move Canucks
“Whether you’re a big-shot team owner or a fourth-line enforcer, everyone can agree that we’re tired of Vancouver’s crap,” said the unnamed source. “I mean, they already tore half the city down themselves. These guys just want to finish the job.”
Nation can’t wait to vote NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman out of office on Tuesday
"No single issue cuts across all demographic lines like firing Gary Bettman," said poll watcher Nate Silver of the New York Times.
Bulls, Kings to wear NHL costumes, play hockey game tonight
The Bulls will dress up as the Blackhawks and the Kings will dress up as the Los Angeles Kings, winners of the Stanley Cup. The two basketball teams will then go about and play a hockey game.
Barry Melrose promises to stop trying to revive the mullet if Winter Classic is...
"The Winter Classic is my favorite game, and I am willing to go down to just a rat tail if it helps negotiations," said Melrose.
