Kristin Cavallari awarded honorary doctorate by Barnum and Bailey Clown College
“We are awarding Kristin this degree for her ability to play the faux-brainiac,” said college director Bobo the Hobo. “The depth of her make-believe knowledge is unmatched. She has pretended to read many comically oversized books.”
NFC North GM’s unaware they can sign free agents from outside division
"Unfortunately league rule prohibit us from signing free agents outside the NFC North," said Bears GM Phil Emery. "I've not actually seen this rule, but since teams in our division are only signing free agents from other teams in this division it has to be the case."
Cutler refuses to have children vaccinated for Interceptionitis
Medical experts were disappointed Friday to learn that Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are refusing to have their children immunized for a variety of ailments, including Interceptionitis, which tends to run in the Cutler family.
Bears successfully sign ‘any safety but Conte’
The Bears signed their second free agent safety in as many days Wednesday, adding M.D. Jennings, better known as "anybody but Chris Conte," to the roster.
"We have a long list of priorities this off-season...
Bears cut ghost of Julius Peppers
The Bears made headlines yesterday by waiving the ghost of Julius Peppers, a one-time Pro Bowl DE who was nowhere to be found last season.
Bears GM anxiously awaits Internet troll’s reaction to his offseason moves
"In my heart, I believe I did the right thing, but I won't really know for sure until DaBearsssFan85 weighs in," said Emery, referring to the vitriolic ChicagoSports.com commenter.
Metrodome receives ‘major upgrade’ from large amount of dynamite
The former home of the Vikings received a much needed enhancement Sunday when parts of it were blown up to start its demolition, which will be completed later this year.
