Sunday, May 19, 2024

Badgers named best Big Ten team that didn’t get tattoos illegally or have a...

Congratulations go out to the Wisconsin Badgers, who emerged as the Big Ten's best football team that didn't trade tattoos for memorabilia or have a long-time coach emerge as a pedophile after retirement.

Nebraska players admit being distracted by hectic class schedules

"Man, I've got this killer Sociology final coming up that I've been totally stressing over," said Martinez, who threw two picks in the losing effort.

Bielema headed to Arkansas because their colors match his wardrobe

"Well, thankfully they're the same colors, I don't have to waste time shopping. Ain't nobody got time for that," said Bielema. "It's an SEC school, so who cares if they've become even more of a joke while I'm there? I'd rather be a loser in the SEC than a winner by default in the Big Ten."

Badgers players confused by the number of times Alvarez’s Rose Bowl game plan calls...

"I'm sure Barry was a great coach back in the Stone Ages or whenever, but we're all a little concerned he's not with it anymore," said RB James White. "In practice all he keeps saying is how we've got to pound the ball up the middle 35 times a game with Ron Dayne, whoever that is."

Illini basketball coach admits he only looked at half of schedule before signing

"It looked like a piece of cake," said Groce, whose team faces top five Michigan on Sunday with a 2-4 record in the Big Ten. "I felt like I was back in the MAC, fooling people by shooting a bunch of shots and playing no defense."

Illinois basketball coach unable to afford proper clothing for son

"Yes, I make a lot of money but it's still tough to make ends meet in this terrible economy," said Groce. "Up until just a few weeks ago we were sending Conner and Camden to school in burlap sacks and homemade cardboard shoes."

Northwestern basketball coach hopes to convert nerds into athletes

"It's just too hard to find smart athletes, so I am gonna see if smart kids can play ball," he said.