Sunday, December 10, 2023

Kobe can’t believe all this Tiger stuff

"Oh wow, Tiger dropped a little white ball two yards from where he was supposed to drop it?" asked Bryant. "And now they're having a big press conference about it and all the stations are treating it as if he murdered someone?"

Lakers games to be broadcast on SOAPnet for remainder of 2013 season

"We're overjoyed!" said SOAPnet exec Sally Benson. "These guys are way more melodramatic than our current shows and storylines. Will Kobe [Bryant] and Dwight [Howard] make up? Or will their rivalry tear this team apart? You'll have to tune in to find out!"

Deadspin report: Lakers victims of hoax, Dwight Howard actually Greg Oden

In a shocking exposé that has cast a shadow over the entire NBA, released a report alleging that, while the Lakers thought they had traded for perennial All-Star Dwight Howard, they actually acquired former Portland Trailblazer Greg Oden.

Boy band ‘One Direction’ plays Staples Center in LA, beats Lakers handily

The Brits shot an amazing 89% from the field, and thanks to some nifty defenses drawn up by their mentor/owner Simon Cowell, they won going away, 116-90.

Lakers coach confident team can break 70-loss barrier

"Of course we can do it," said Brown. "If Kobe would just stop whining and get on board with the idea, I think this team can do very special, albeit horrible, things under my leadership."

Lakers currently California’s fourth best NBA team

After dropping their second game is as many nights, the Lakers dream team is currently 0-2 and flopping away this young season, ranking as the worst of California's four NBA squads.

Howard demands trade after deciding Lakers jersey ‘not a good color for him’

"I just don't think yellow and purple work for me. Can we get a blue Lakers jersey?" said a whining Howard. "Also, the entire coaching staff needs to be fired, and I don't trust that Kobe guy. Get rid of him too. Can I get traded now?"