Lions

Rather than spending the week investigating another illegal hit, NFL officials will look into allegations that Bears RB Marion Barber is being paid to tank by the Lions who are battling Chicago for a Wild Card spot.

Among those celebrating were wide receiver Brandon Middleton, quarterback John Kitna, and running back Rudi Johnson, all of whom claimed to look forward to the Colt 45 uncorking every year.

Three years removed from the first ever 0-16 NFL season and coming in as double-digit underdogs, the Lions are realistic in realizing they really have no chance in hell at winning this game.

"After every play, I'd be walking back to the huddle and I'd keep hearing this soft 'Su-su-sudio' singing," said Suh. "At first I didn't know what it was, but in the huddle Kyle Vanden Bosche told me it was by that guy that sings that 'I can feel it coming in the air tonight' song with the cool drum sound. It seemed like every Packer was singing it to me as I'd walk by."

Lions DT Nick Fairley issued an apology Wednesday morning for this recent drug and DUI arrests, but stopped short of apologizing for the entirety of both incidents earlier this spring.

"It's embarrassing," said the officer. "All the guys keep making fun of me for being a cherry. Or they say I must be blind if I haven't spotted a drunk Lion on the road yet."

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.