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“I guess it’s cool to tell people I pitch for a Major League team, but I feel like a lot of people don’t even know the White Sox are still around,” said Rondon as he stared longingly at the Charlotte Knights Facebook page on his laptop.
"Sure, it may set me back a few hundred dollars, but as a true White Sox fan, no amount of money is too much to show my disdain for the Cubs," said Johnson.
The online world is preparing itself for a slew of uninspired and unoriginal jokes and memes to coincide with the beginning of this year's Crosstown Classic.
For the first time in years, baseball is the most relevant sport in Chicago on May 1. The Blackhawks have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, ending their season. This has led to some startling revelations for Hawks fans.
"Obviously we can't discus the status of a player who is currently under contract with another team." Theo Epstein said regarding Chris Sale's free agency in two seasons. "But there are obvious reasons why we would sign a 14-year-old and it wasn't to sign his .207 hitting father."
“We’ve never really cared about our attendance numbers,” Williams said to the press. “So we figured what harm would it do to just ban children from every game? It’s my job as president to ensure that [The White Sox organization] is not only as unlikable as possible, but to rid the sport of something that I’ve always felt was way overrated: parent/child bonding time.”