The news that Kyle Schwarber and the Cubs were likely parting ways had barely broke when Dante Deiana's phone started lighting up.
The down-and-out Chicago Cubs have decided to part ways with Kyle Schwarber after a miserable 2020 campaign in which the misplaced left-fielder struggled mightily at the plate.
"It's one thing if the delay is only 17 minutes and it's the World Series," said first baseman Anthony Rizzo, "but a 24-hour delay during the Wild Card round is just not the same."
"I can't tell you how ashamed I am," said Bryant, who reportedly never uses foul language. "In an effort to learn from my potty mouth, I have decided to suspend myself for Sunday's game against the White Sox."
“Here I was, in my backyard enjoying a cold one while arguing with my wife about some stupid shit and this baseball bat comes out of nowhere and lodges in my front yard”
A poll this week by ESPN reaffirmed these sentiments as nine out of 10 North Side fans surveyed said they would rather watch paint dry than tune into the Cubs' at-bats.
Normally soft-spoken Kris Bryant hoped his voice was heard loud and clear over the weekend as he urged MLB to move its upcoming playoffs to a bubble in Williamsport, PA, home of the Little League World Series.