Monday, July 15, 2024

Locked-out NBA players wonder where their next Bentley will come from

As the NBA labor dispute drags on, many players are beginning to grow nervous about how they’ll pay for their next luxury car or pair of diamond stud earrings.

With local teams playing well, New Yorkers desperately search for a new punching bag

“Well played, fundamentally sound teams are boring. They’re boring,” said one self-proclaimed New York die-hard. “What the heck am I supposed to call the radio and moan about? The Yankees pitching staff?”

Knicks owner admits he created lockout so fans wouldn’t have to watch team’s horrendous...

"Yes, the allegations are true," Dolan said at his Long Island home. "I made up the entire NBA lockout. In reality, there is no CBA or Player's Association or even a commissioner, as David Stern is a figment of my imagination."

Mayor Bloomberg: Watching Knicks games can be unhealthy

The CDC has given a name to the disease: Stoudmelo's Syndrome. The new moniker, of course, is an homage to the two biggest culprits of bad defense on the Knicks: Amare Stoudamire and Carmelo Anthony.

Knicks games to feature Walt Frazier wardrobe changes

“This late start to the season has me stressing and pressing about my dressing,” the legendary Knicks announcer said. “I have a prodigious closet with 100 new suits made from only the finest fabulous fabrics, and the fans are going to see them all.”

Tree sales in New York suffer with announcement of NBA season

The agreement to end the NBA lockout has restored thousands of jobs, but one budding business has seen its sales take a dive since the announcement.

Knicks owner says to forget Chris Paul; wants to trade for John Lucas

“John. Lucas. The Third,” replied Dolan when asked who his top choice was to add to the Knicks’ roster. “Did you see this guy at Rucker Park? Well I didn’t because I’m afraid to go there, but I saw it on YouTube. He dominated Kevin Durant!”