Saturday, December 5, 2020

Suspended Brady: ‘My life still way better than yours’

Despite the hard line approach to punishment taken by the NFL, Brady released a statement assuring his fans as well as his detractors, that, "Although I may not be able to play the game I love for four weeks, I assure you that my life is still way better than yours."

Bradley Cooper to replace suspended Brady

"The call came and I was surprised, but when you're an actor you have to be ready for any role," stated Cooper. "It's unfortunate about Tom's suspension, but this is the role of a lifetime. I get to step in for the Super Bowl MVP. It's a bonus this happened now as I get to have a full off-season and training camp with the first team. I'll have my lines down for Pittsburgh."

Gronk found guilty of adding too much foam to pony keg on party bus

The man many thought to be above the law was deemed in clear violation of the one rule you just can’t break on a party bus, and that’s lowering the PSI in the kegerator, thus upping the foam count to unacceptable levels, right before the big Friday night kegger with Beta House at the University of Delaware.

Tom Brady angrily admits Belichick has history of checking out supermodels

"It's a pattern. Trust me," said a peeved Brady. "Do you know how many times he's checked out Giselle [Bundchen]? He's always asking me if she's coming to practice, the games. It's beyond uncomfortable. Frankly I'm sick of it. So no, him checking out Chrissy is not surprising. He probably used his famous line about wanting to see one of my Super Bowl rings that's in my hotel room."

Judge throws out Aaron Hernandez case after defense shows sick highlight reel

“We knew going in that this was our ace in the hole,” Sultan told reporters. “Nobody—judge, jury, or executioner—can deny that skills this nasty belong on a football field, not locked in a cell."

Facebook to charge users $1 million per post during Super Bowl

"We live in a dynamic media world comprised of digital and traditional channels," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. "If NBC is going to charge $4.5 million per Super Bowl commercial while everybody in America is busy playing on Facebook, we feel it's time to monetize what the big blue thumb brings to the big game."

Gronk under strict 5 a.m. curfew leading up to Super Bowl

"He's only broken curfew twice," said head coach Bill Belichick. "And both times he made it back to the hotel before sunrise, which is pretty unusual for him. Sure, he showed up wearing nothing but a pink tube top and argyle socks, but other than that, it's clear he wants to be a champion."