The NFL has suspended New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady for his role in the Deflategate scandal.
Surprisingly, team owner Robert Kraft didn’t seem too fazed. Kraft quickly announced that the Patriots would start Hollywood actor Bradley Cooper for the season’s first four games.
“While we are extremely disappointed Tom won’t start the season for us, we are equally excited to have Bradley join the team. Have you see American Sniper? We had internal discussions and we knew we needed to have star power to replace Tom. With Bradley, I’m not sure who’s more handsome,” said an almost giddy Kraft.
“The call came and I was surprised, but when you’re an actor you have to be ready for any role,” stated Cooper. “It’s unfortunate about Tom’s suspension, but this is the role of a lifetime. I get to step in for the Super Bowl MVP. It’s a bonus this happened now as I get to have a full off-season and training camp with the first team. I’ll have my lines down for Pittsburgh.”
Head coach Bill Belichick was his usual cantankerous self as he met with the media. He continued to deny any knowledge of the deflated footballs and refused any comments about the league’s sanctions against Brady.
“We’re on to Cooper,” he said.