Signaling a thaw in relations between the United States and Russia, Presidents Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin have agreed on a gentlemanly wager during this year’s Winter Olympics: whichever country wins more medals gets sole possession of Canada.
“We’ve both kind of had our eye on that land for a while now,” admitted Obama. “I like their healthcare system, while Vladimir would love to do some shirtless moose hunting without worrying about international law getting in the way. We figure since only like eight people live there, nobody will raise much of a fuss.”
“Canada will not mind,” said Putin. “And if they do mind, we will make it so they never mind anything again.”
Canada’s prime minister, Stephen Harper, was unsure about the arrangement.
“On the one hand, we’d love to be part of the U.S.,” he said. “But being part of Europe would be pretty cool too. I just can’t wait to see how this turns out!”