Lawrence Taylor’s Super Bowl XXV ring sold at auction for over $230,000 this week. Even more amazing than the price was the mystery winner, Charlie Sheen.
Though it has not yet officially been revealed who splurged on Taylor’s ring, Mr. Tiger Blood himself is already staking claim to the diamond encrusted memento.
“I’m a major collector of all things sports, and when I heard my old buddy LT was selling his ring, I knew I had to have it,” Sheen said from the set of his new TV show that everyone will watch once and then delete from their DVR. “Plus I heard Larry had his ring hollowed out to store … we call it [obnoxious catchphrase for cocaine deleted.]”
Taylor couldn’t be reached to comment on the sale, although his probation officer Dan Gleeks fielded a few questions on behalf of the Hall of Fame Linebacker.
“Mr. Taylor is very happy with the amount his ring raised, and has promised to invest the money wisely,” Gleeks said. “As for Mr. Sheen, Mr. Taylor has never met, nor partied with him at any point in his life. All drunken photos of them together are merely crude image manipulations.”
Sheen stated he will wear the ring daily, and has no interest in keeping it in a vault.
“Why buy something so cool if you aren’t gonna wear it,” Sheen pondered. “Besides, after I cut the pornography from my lifestyle, I had $230k a month burning a hole in my pocket anyway.”