According to a recent report published by the New York Daily News, the New York Yankees might be put on the open market soon and would certainly garner a massive price tag. Not many potential suitors have been released to the media, but one has been mentioned repeatedly as a serious pursuant of the team and that is the old person organization known as AARP. Even though a potential deal is far from coming to fruition, it makes perfect sense for both parties. AARP makes its money by trying to make the lives of retired people better and the Yankees make their money by selling fans tickets to see old, washed-up, overpaid, and useless players who should probably be playing chess or shuffleboard instead of baseball.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that we have interest in buying the Yankees,” said AARP chairman Fred Myers at a fundraiser for the company’s foundation on Friday. “However, I can say that I am a Yankees fan and we at AARP truly do appreciate how a bunch of old guys like the Yankees can play a professional sport and not be completely awful at it. Those are values we try to instill in our members every day. If the opportunity did come up one day to purchase a stake in the team, I’m sure we would be interested but I can’t say anything else at this point.”
Habitat for Humanity and the US Department of Homeland Security are also reportedly interested in the Yankees, apparently for reasons unbeknownst to any members of the team or the media. When Habitat president Don Jones was reached for comment on the rumor, he only replied that “the facade at Yankee Stadium looks like sturdy material” and that “it would be cool to use on a house in the future” if he company owned the team.