The name of the Mets spring training ballpark in Port St. Lucie is Digital Domain Park. You probably can’t believe it. Yes, without a doubt, it is the stupidest name in the history of anything that ever had a name. The only aspect of the name that makes sense is the part that ends in Park. Actually, the Mets should do the honorable thing and give two-thirds the money back to Digital Domain and just call the place “Park.”

Digital Domain, whatever that is, now has name recognition and we’ll all head out tomorrow and buy their cereal or its sandwiches or whatever mediocre product they sell. You should boycott this manufacturer or this bank, which shouldn’t be that hard to do since you lived your whole life up until now renting your movies from Netflix. Why make a change now and rent a car from Digital Domain just because it has a silent partner or a rich parent who paid to have a baseball stadium named after their kid?

I’m sure I could find out in the next minute exactly what Digital Domain does or makes, but that would be playing into their hands. I much rather forge ahead, uncertain whether this enterprise is an “it” or a “they.” What do they make? Computers? It’s kind of too late for that. Is this the place I call when I want to make a Web site? Isn’t that what the word “domain” indicates? Don’t ask me. I didn’t even know how to spell “Web site” until a minute ago. There’s all these options. The oneword. The two words. The capitalized Oneword or the capitalized Two words. I don’t feel so stupid though. The answer on the correct spelling of “website” isn’t resolved on any one Website. Guess what? It’s debatable!

The only sure things about Digital Domain is that it proves the Mets are a joke and it makes you realize just how badly Bernie Madoff ruined this team. They have no money to spend because every cent they bring in will only replace one that was stolen from them, and they won’t be breaking even anytime soon. They’re so Badoff (get it?), they would humbly accept Alfonso Soriano if the Cubs just gave him to them. After all, they took on the random and embarrassing name “Digital Domain Park.”

I will be going to Digital Domain Park in March for a few games, maybe four. I make this disclaimer not to say that the column was just a farce, but to emphasize that I am at that point in my life where baseball is just entertainment and not the end of the world. I can’t tell the players without a scorecard, I don’t hold a grudge against the Cardinals (March 13, 1:10 PM EST, I am there!), and I will probably take photos from Digital Domain Park and post them to Facebook. The only part of the column that’s a farce is the part where I call for boycott of Digital Domain’s product, or service, or potato chips. How can I seriously ask for a boycott of Digital Domain when I may need a prosthetic hand one day?

By Rob C. Christiansen