Why They Might Be Good: Never afraid to utilize the latest motivational techniques, GM Jerry West has become an expert hypnotist. “I made [veteran guard] Eddie Jones think he’s 22, I made [second-year forward] Hakim Warrick think he can hit from 17 feet, and I made [rookie guard] Kyle Lowrey think he’s a chicken. Plus the Grizzles lead the NBA in both adjectives (Rudy Gay, Stromile Swift) and nouns (Brian Cardinal, Alexander Johnson).

Why They Might Suck: Mega-star forward Pau Gasol broke his foot during the World Championships in Japan, and he didn’t have a translator with him in the operating room, so the confused Japanese doctors mistakenly gave him a breast augmentation. Sure, it set back his rehab a good three months, but he’s now the only player in the league with a perfect C-cup.

The Dude Other Than Gasol Who I Want on My Fantasy Team: Mike Miller. Everybody knows that the hustling sharpshooter is the reigning Sixth Man of the Year, but he’s not done. “Sure,” Miller says, “I want to defend my title, but more importantly, I intend to make sure that [Charlotte Bobcats rookie] Adam Morrison’s doesn’t beat me out for the ‘Crap Facial Hair of the Year’ award.”

Bottom Line: Gasol’s out until at least January. They are so totally boned

heckler editorial staff