“As my butler was conducting my annual spring cleaning, we noticed three Jumbotrons collecting dust in my basement,” McCaskey stated. “I decided to save one for my grandchildren’s video games and have the other two hooked up in the stadium. It sure beats those old rust buckets we had in there before.”
"The call came and I was surprised, but when you're an actor you have to be ready for any role," stated Cooper. "It's unfortunate about Tom's suspension, but this is the role of a lifetime. I get to step in for the Super Bowl MVP. It's a bonus this happened now as I get to have a full off-season and training camp with the first team. I'll have my lines down for Pittsburgh."
The man many thought to be above the law was deemed in clear violation of the one rule you just can’t break on a party bus, and that’s lowering the PSI in the kegerator, thus upping the foam count to unacceptable levels, right before the big Friday night kegger with Beta House at the University of Delaware.
“I remember back in the 1990s when our entire team lived at Turtle Creek,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “Those were some great times, and I’m excited to be able to reconnect with many of our old friends there.”
"It's a pattern. Trust me," said a peeved Brady. "Do you know how many times he's checked out Giselle [Bundchen]? He's always asking me if she's coming to practice, the games. It's beyond uncomfortable. Frankly I'm sick of it. So no, him checking out Chrissy is not surprising. He probably used his famous line about wanting to see one of my Super Bowl rings that's in my hotel room."
"It took our entire postseason run, but we finally found a way to 'Keep the Red Out," said Predators PR manager Bubby Brisco, Jr. "Ya'll Yankees think you can outsmart us, but ya'll was wrong."
“It’s the logical next step, Economics 101,” owner Tom Ricketts declared while addressing reporters outside Wrigley’s Captain Morgan Club. “If our fans, the greatest fans in the world, want a beer with a slice of baseball then, by gosh, we’re going to give them a beer with a slice of baseball. For a nominal fee."
Bryant’s agent, Scott Boras, renegotiated the third baseman’s contract to include a selection of magazines and newspapers that will be housed in his client’s new commode.