While initially criticized for his seemingly inauthentic marketing plug, it appears that Manning was actually not only serious about drinking a lot of Budweisers to celebrate, but had decided to go on a full, several day long binge where he drank nothing but Budweiser.
Witnesses at the high-end restaurant where the engagement occurred told media outlets that it was "sweet" and that when she said yes, everyone in the establishment broke into spontaneous applause, with only a few instances of diners wearing large novelty foam cheeseheads shouting things like, "His head clearly isn't in the game anymore" and "He hasn't been the same Rodgers since he shacked up with that Newsroom chick."
"It's really easy," said Urlacher. "You just take thousands of blades of grass from healthier areas of the field and insert them one-by-one in the bare areas."
With his latest magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test scheduled for Monday morning – his 347th such exam over the past five years – Rose has decided to take up permanent residence in the MRI machine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Working closely with his doctors, they have determined that Rose will remain in there for the next three to five years.
"What's the use?" Matheny asked stunned St.Louis reporters. "The Cubs booted us from the postseason, they sign our Game One starter for less money than we offered, they take our best player for less money than we offered and I'm left with the wretched refuse -- and those are just the fans."
"When they said I was the longest-tenured Cubs player, I thought, wait that can't be right," Bryant told reporters. "I feel like Rizzo's been with us for a while, but apparently he wasn't even on the roster as of June of 2012. So, huh, I guess my less-than-a-year with the team makes me the most veteran member on the club."
"Ask any fan and they'll tell you we have all the money in the world," said Epstein. "Plus, signing stars is so easy because other teams typically don't get involved in the bidding, and we know there will always be money left over to lock in our current players when their contracts are up."
"Hey, at least most of the country will be passed out by 6 or 7 in a turkey-induced food coma," said Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. "They might not even notice the game. Did we get beat by three touchdowns or was it a close ballgame? Most people probably won't even know until after the weekend."
While acknowledging the lack of a loss came primarily because the team did not get a chance to play a game, Franklin told reporters that "it's a step in the right direction" and that the team is going to "really give it their all next week, I can feel it."