By Rick Atkinson. Click for a larger version.
Read MoreFollowing his team’s heart-breaking playoff loss to the Patriots Sunday, Ravens QB Joe Flacco announced he has accepted an offer to be lead singer in the Queen tribute band Killer Queen.
After Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari announced they are expecting a child this weekend, Trent Dilfer took to ESPN airwaves to critique how the child is handling pressure.
After being responsible for two game-changing turnovers in Sunday’s NFC Championship loss, 49ers WR and PR Kyle Williams has at least one defender in his father, White Sox GM Kenny Williams, who pointed out that his son might have cost the Niners a chance to play in the Super Bowl, he himself has done far worse, especially in signing Adam Dunn to a four-year, $56 million contract last year.
“We’re pleased as punch to have Prince here!” said an elated Dombrowski. “However, I do want him to know he may be taking cold showers in our clubhouse, and riding a rented 1987 Greyhound bus when we travel to Tampa–at least until Uncle Sam pulls through!”
“I just got off the phone with the commissioner’s office and our petition is officially active. We are currently waiting on the league’s ruling regarding our potential forfeiture of the 2012 season,” said Alderson at a Mets’ team event.
“I politely said no, but he still handed me a ball,” said protestor Conrad Hoss. “I checked what they were going for on eBay, and when I saw $3, I threw it back at him. The crowd followed my lead.”
“This shot tax is similar to the luxury tax levied on teams,” said Brown. “If Kobe goes over the shot cap of 30, he’s paying up. It’ll teach the team how to distribute the ball and not rely on one player.”
The banner will be the first of any kind for the embattled franchise, and will commemorate the Clippers’ 102-94 victory over the Lakers on January 14, 2012.
Since signing with the Bulls for $80 million over five years, Carlos Boozer has been eager to show Chicago he has been worth the money. Unfortunately, due to poor defense and gym bags supposedly scattered about, Boozer has not lived up to the hype.
“It was supposed to be light contact,” said Kerry. “But after Zdeno checked me into the boards face first, I had no choice but to drop the gloves with him. I got some good ones in too, though! You should see his face!”
“There was this fifth-grade class trip to the saw factory,” said Shaw. “I was separated from the group and … it’s kinda hard to talk about.
“I came to and saw some dude cutting open my knee,” said Carcillo. “In my head I knew he was just trying to fix my injury but instinct took over and I punched him square in mouth.”
In his annual state of the NCAA address to unviersity presidents and administrators, NCAA president Mark Emmert lauded his organization’s effort to enact tough legislation to dramatically improve the collegiate sports landscape. “I am very proud of some of the things we’ve done,” Emmert said to an appreciative audience. “The piece about which we are [...]
“And you know what?” he yelled to his rapt audience. “We’re plenty good enough to be in the Big Ten. We’ve got a lot of smart folks at this school. To the rest of the world, that ‘N’ on our helmets may stand for Nebraska. To us, it stands for ‘nowledge.’”
“My staff and I were sitting around wondering when the 2030 class of freshmen would be available for recruiting,” said the coach. “Then it hit us. Why have an age restriction? And even more, why can’t we recruit a player as early as possible?”
