Following the disapproval of other NFL sponsors such as Anheuser-Busch and Radisson Hotels, GoDaddy.com expressed their dissatisfaction with the recent NFL handling of the Ray Rice, Greg Hardy and Adrian Peterson situations.
“We were aware that there was a penalty of some sort,” said head referee, Roger Goodell. “But until we saw the video, we really had no idea what actually could have happened in that scrum and what the level of the infraction could possibly have been. I mean, who could? Until we saw the video replay, it was a mystery!”
"Goats are notoriously fickle animals," he said. "They'll climb fences, plot escapes and, of course, place hexes on professional sports teams. Well, the other day, Lilo was just grazing on some grass when he looked up and said, 'the Cubs curse is over, starting next year.' I nearly soiled myself!"
"This is a clear violation of my privacy," Goodell told the assembled media at a press conference. "Hey, you with the Funyuns, can I have a couple?"
According to the consensus opinion of five friends drinking late Friday night at the Gold Coast staple, The Hangge Uppe, the Chicago Bears have all the pieces to win the Super Bowl this season and will unquestionably do so.
"While the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders both have rabid fan bases and plenty of experience as franchises, the other bubble teams just look a bit more relevant heading into the season," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.
The man now dubbed "Johnny Hero" jumped off of his inflatable party swan, grabbed the girl’s T-One Mobile Sidekick away from her and then -- while in mid-air -- found time to take a picture of himself giving his patented cash money sign, all before safely landing on a pile of rolled up hundreds he had misplaced earlier in the evening.
The newly verbose voice is now equipped with many phrases, such as "Can you tie a hundred-dollar bill to a rock and throw it up to me?" and "Do you want to impress that girl with your throwing arm, or what?"
Justin Verlander has arranged something that is likely to trump what any other team has given Jeter: swimsuit super model Kate Upton.