Friday, May 24, 2024

Albert Pujols asks for help after he admits he doesn’t know how to run

Aging Angels slugger Albert Pujols has spent the quarantine going through some deep self-reflection and has come to terms with a tragic flaw: He never learned how to run.

Cubs acquire Mike Trout for entirety of Wrigley Field and a player to be...

The Cubs have done the unthinkable and acquired the best player in baseball but at a steep cost: Wrigley Field.

Pierre McGuire records career-high 740 useless stats during Game 4

"This Jonathan Toews and Ryan Kesler rivalry goes back to a Sainte-Marie Quebec Cub Scout popcorn fundraiser in which Toews sold 16 tins of caramel corn to Kesler's 12 cheddar cheese blend."

Sly Theo trades .688-hitting Bonifacio to Angels for Mike Trout

Bonifacio is currently hitting .668, a stat Epstein was able to leverage to acquire the best player in the league.

Blackhawks play Duck Hunt to mentally prepare to face Anaheim in playoffs

"This team needs to learn that Ducks are weak animals that can be easily dominated," said Quenneville. "I put these games in the locker room so we can gain some confidence heading into the playoffs by blasting animated ducks over and over again."

Josh Hamilton excitedly calculates how much coke he can buy with $125 million

"Well, I've still got a mortgage on my house in Texas, so I'll probably need to save about a million a year to pay for that and to get myself a nice condo in Cali. So at this point, the maximum amount I can set aside for coke would be $24 million each year, right everybody?"

Heckler Comic: Albert & Dunn

Adam "The Big Donkey" Dunn offers some helpful advice to struggling slugger Albert Pujols. By Rick Atkinson