The Cubs have done the unthinkable and acquired the best player in baseball but at a steep cost: Wrigley Field.
"This Jonathan Toews and Ryan Kesler rivalry goes back to a Sainte-Marie Quebec Cub Scout popcorn fundraiser in which Toews sold 16 tins of caramel corn to Kesler's 12 cheddar cheese blend."
Bonifacio is currently hitting .668, a stat Epstein was able to leverage to acquire the best player in the league.
"This team needs to learn that Ducks are weak animals that can be easily dominated," said Quenneville. "I put these games in the locker room so we can gain some confidence heading into the playoffs by blasting animated ducks over and over again."
"Well, I've still got a mortgage on my house in Texas, so I'll probably need to save about a million a year to pay for that and to get myself a nice condo in Cali. So at this point, the maximum amount I can set aside for coke would be $24 million each year, right everybody?"