Friday, January 27, 2023

Bulls to Heat: [Expletive Deleted] you!

Look out, Rex Grossman. There’s a new gunslinger in town.

Philanthropist LeBron James donates free McDonald’s fries to his soup kitchen

LeBron James has picked up a new game during the ongoing NBA lockout – McDonald’s Monopoly. As depicted in a new commercial, LeBron defied one-in-four odds and won a free large fries, and thought it best to feed the hungry at his Miami based soup kitchen.

South Beach restaurant owners unite to applaud signing of Eddy Curry

"Eddy Curry may be the Eddy Curry of basketball, but he's the Michael Jordan of over-eating," one excitable restauranteur told reporters. "I can't wait for the payday that'll be coming my way the night that he decides to eat at my restaurant."

J.R. Smith’s new haircut is a secret jab at LeBron’s hairline

“Son’s barber must have slipped up, he shoulda went to my dude, Andre in Bensonhurst” said Knicks fan Mookie. “Twenty minutes, he’d have him looking fresh.”

Miami Heat arena remodeled to resemble Death Star

“I can’t say enough good things about the new arena,” Heat star LeBron James said. “The design perfectly captures what me, D-Wade and Chris [Bosh] are trying to accomplish with this team.”

NBA approves 8-inch headband for LeBron

With a hairline that has receded faster than the bank accounts of players during the lockout, the usually strict NBA has decided to amend their dress code to allow a special eight-inch head band just for superstar LeBron James.

Knicks players follow Stoudemire’s lead and punch things to avoid finishing Heat series

Knicks’ GM Glen Grunwald forwarded forfeit papers to the NBA league office today after it was discovered that every Knicks player intentionally suffered a season-ending injury on Tuesday. The Miami Heat will advance to the quarter finals after winning only two of seven games.