With a hairline that has receded faster than the bank accounts of players during the lockout, the usually strict NBA has decided to amend their dress code to allow a special eight-inch head band just for superstar LeBron James.

No one is more excited to hide the receding hairline on his ever-shinier dome more than James.

“People already hate me for my millions and that ‘decision’ I made, being bald would be the worst for my precious image,” said James. “This is much bigger than my diminished self-image, because it’s not like anyone without hair has won six titles or has gone on to be the NBA’s all-time leading scorer or anything.”

Brew Dreesus