Chicago

“It’s been a while since I’ve had turf toe," Conte told the Sun Times. "Come to think of it, I haven’t had a broken clavicle since high school, so maybe I’ll go with that one against the Saints.”

When asked about Cutler's statements taking blame for a defense that has surrendered 40 more points this season than the 1-11 Oakland Raiders, defensive coordinator Mel Tucker said, "Listen, football is a team sport. A lot of guys on the squad aren't carrying their weight, and we've had some really costly injuries that have depleted our depth. But, if I had to point a finger at one person, yeah, it's because of Jay."

"I'm not gonna lie: It was a rough outing," said Cutler. "Those picks were on me. That probably explains my performance at dinner. My head just wasn't in it. My family is very forgiving. I'll be more prepared for the Christmas festivities."

Robert Griffin III has joined Underachieving Quarterbacks Anonymous, a support group headed by Jay Cutler.

"Missing a Bulls game is one thing, but this is family," said an angry Dwayne. "Play the game, Derrick!"

After another dismal Bears game in front of relatives, thousands of fans were quick to turn on Netflix with a helping of stuffing. Netflix traffic boomed in the Chicago market after the second of Joique Bell's touchdowns as Bears fans let out a collective groan.

Historians around the world are celebrating one of the greatest archaeological finds of the last 200 years. A treasure trove of information was recently unearthed from the Mayflower in time for Thanksgiving. In that archive of data, records were unearthed that detailed the Bears first ever loss to the Packers, all the way back in 1620.