Chicago

Gordon Beckham was called up to The Show last night, thrilling Sox Nation (not the Sox Nation ESPN is always talking about -- the other one that still drives IROCs). A highly touted prospect and collegiate star, Gordon Beckham may best be known as the younger, considerably less hip, brother of metrosexual David Beckham.

Let's face the truth folks, this Cubs team as it is currently constituted is going nowhere. It was never more evident than Tuesday night when the team, especially the bullpen, blew a 5-0 eighth inning lead to the Braves in Atlanta, eventually falling 6-5 in 12 innings.

New Bears quarterback and appointed team savior Jay Cutler wasted no time making himself at home in Chicago. With the 2009 season still months away, discovering the Chicago social scene became Cutler's first order of business.

The year 1908 was noteworthy for at least two reasons: It's when the Cubs last won a World Series and when General Motors was founded. Now that GM has filed for bankruptcy, the Cubs are declaring themselves victorious.

Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano was sent demoted to Welles Park Little League following Wednesday's embarrassing temper tantrum and ejection against Pittsburgh.

Two inevitable things happened on Wednesday afternoon -- Carlos Zambrano finally snapped and Neal Cotts was jettisoned to the minors. The Cubs did manage to win the game 5-2 over Pittsburgh at Wrigley, to move back over .500.

After attacking numerous ships along the Somalia coast, a large group of Somali pirates staged their most daring attack yet when they overtook baseball's Pittsburgh Pirates.