Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano was demoted to Welles Park Little League following Wednesday’s embarrassing temper tantrum and ejection against Pittsburgh.

“Big Z has the body and talent of a grown man,” said GM Jim Hendry. “Unfortunately he maintains the compsure of a pre-teen.”

Zambrano will play with the Western Avenue Muffler & Tire Little Sluggers during the length of his pending suspension, which may be as long as 10 games.

“I’m excited to add Carlos to our rotation, but we have a lot of work ahead of us,” said Jimmy Steinberg, coach of Zambrano’s new team. “We’re going to drive home the basics with Carlos: ‘Count to 10. Take deep breaths. Don’t swear at the umpire. Don’t hurl the ball into the outfield when you’re upset.’ You know, the sort of stuff he should have learned his first stint in Little League.”

By Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief