Chicago

"We umpires are sick of standing around and calling strikes for these bums. We're taking breaks," said McClelland. "Usually the scoreboard says 0-2 before they walk up. This is a perfect time to chill and get a beer."

Daniel Tosh, host of Comedy Central’s “Tosh.0,” has offered the Cubs the chance to appear on his program during the show’s “Web Redemption” segment which showcases videos of people doing generally idiotic things and gives them the platform to defend themselves or, at the very least, explain their thought process.

“The real key to this is keeping Tony Campana on the field,” Irsay said. “That guy has like four times as much hustle as anybody else. Therefore, it looks like you’re trying hard, but really that’s just one guy blurring all around.”

"The stakes tonight were huge because I knew the league mandates a team is dissolved if the Cubs sweep them," said Ventura. "Just look at the Padres. They lost all three of their games at Wrigley a few weeks ago and no one has heard from them since."

Over their nine-year run in Chicago, the Matadors made a large mark on the city’s sports landscape. But sadly last week it was announced that the powers that be in the Bulls organization agree with Chet Coppock’s 2009 book: Fat Guys Shouldn't Be Dancin' at Halftime.

The bi-annual bar fight, that is now known as the BP Crosstown Classic, has shifted to the South Side this week. Historically, fights between the two sides of fans usually originate in the stands, at home plate or between Carlos Zambrano and whomever walks in front of him. This year however, with such hot weather, fights have been breaking out in and around the center field shower at U.S. Cellular Field.

After a tough loss to Red Sox southpaw Franklin Morales, many Cubs hitters expressed their frustration that the league would allow a player to pitch against them using his left hand, a tactic that greatly alters the trajectory of the pitch, and makes it nearly impossible for most Cubs batters to make meaningful contact.