After a tough loss to Red Sox southpaw Franklin Morales, many Cubs hitters expressed their frustration that the league would allow a player to pitch against them using his left hand, a tactic that greatly alters the trajectory of the pitch, and makes it nearly impossible for most Cubs batters to make meaningful contact.

To remedy the situation, the team has officially petitioned MLB officials to make it illegal to pitch using your left hand.

“Enough is enough,” said Cubs manager Dale Sveum, whose team is batting only .223 against left-handers this season.  “Pitching with your non-right hand clearly gives you an unfair advantage. And there’s precedent for making this rule change. If you’re not allowed to throw a spitball, why would you be allowed to throw while facing first base?”

Given that the Cubs have gone 3-15 against lefties this season, Sveum insisted that the team be given an extra 20 wins for the season, as well as the lineup of the Los Angeles Dodgers.

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith