Chicago

A month-long investigation by the NYPD into the mysterious ineptness of the New York Mets to win games since the All-Star break has finally come up fruitful as manager Terry Collins, general manager Sandy Alderson, and numerous members of the Mets' bullpen have been indicted for taking bribes to have the team lose nearly every game they play.

Bears leadership is urging fans not to worry that Brian Urlacher emerged from surprise surgery on his knee Tuesday morning with a bloody stump where his lower leg used to be.

As the White Sox maintain their slim first-place lead over the Tigers, its fan base is finally showing so much interest in the team that its bandwagon has been upgraded to a "bitchin'" 50-foot long Camaro.

“We know the Black Sox were there. If we can just find enough dirt on other teams, we can force them to forfeit games, and the World Series title can then be awarded to the Cubs!" said Epstein. "We should be able to get one championship, and with luck, maybe two or three over the last hundred or so years."

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

Speculations point to a possible knee injury, but Lovie Smith squashed rumors this morning: "Rex, I mean Brian Urlacher is our middle linebacker, he will just play in a wheelchair. This is what we imagined this year."

Rookie Cubs center fielder Brett Jackson has not only brought his minor league inability to make contact with the ball to the major leagues, but has also carried over those struggles to his off-field endeavors.