Chicago

"We strive for the halftime show to be a thing of derision, but we've not had our fans openly hate the Super Bowl halftime show since we got the Black Eyed Peas. So naturally, if we wanted to piss everyone off, we needed to get the most petulant, spoiled, overrated musicians we could think of to play along with Bruno, and Miley and Justin were at the top of our list," said Goodell.

6 – Chicago Bears Bear Downs beat Team Hardknocks 24-21 as Jay Cavallari hits his best bro Brandon Marshall for winning score. My boy “Peanut” Tillman ambushed Bengals by just grabbing the ball out of the air instead of his “Peanut Punch” which I taught him.

Tensions spilled over during Sunday's Cubs-Brewers game in the fifth inning when a large group of knife wielding rats decided to have a rumble with their arch nemesis the Wrigley seagulls.

Four punts on third down and the special teams coach calling for a rouge nearly cost the Bears a season-opening win in their game against the Bengals.

“When the pro football season starts, I’m like a boxer in training,” Rodney Tripp, 21, of Cleveland, a staunch Browns fan, said. “No touchy the paw paw until after the Super Bowl.”

"I wanted to reassure all of them that soon the Cubs will be a consistently winning franchise, just not right now," Ricketts said. "Our top prospects are only in A and AA ball but when they finally do get the call to the majors we will be ready for them with new toilets and a big bright Budweiser sign in right field at Wrigley."

“I’ll be damned if we’ll lose 100 games again,” skipper Dale Sveum told Cubs.com. “These new guys are here to contribute to the ball club.”