After the announcement that Bruno Mars would headline the 2014 Super Bowl halftime show received a lackluster response, the NFL has announced today that they’ve added teen pop sensations Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus to the bill, just so they could actively piss off and alienate every football fan watching the game.

Roger Goodell defended the decision.

“As soon as we booked Bruno Mars, we realized that he is an accomplished musician with Grammy awards and a slew of hits to his name, and he isn’t really hated by anyone in our core demographic,” said Goodell. “People might be confused why we’d have him playing the Super Bowl, but they don’t wish him any ill will. We strive for the halftime show to be a thing of derision, but we’ve not had our fans openly hate the Super Bowl halftime show since we got the Black Eyed Peas. So naturally, if we wanted to piss everyone off, we needed to get the most petulant, spoiled, overrated musicians we could think of to play along with Bruno, and Miley and Justin were at the top of our list.”

While Mars is expected to play a standard show, including hits such as “Just the Way You Are,” Bieber and Cyrus should give football fans plenty to hate, as Cyrus is expected to twerk provocatively in front of a dwarf dressed as a Heisman trophy, while Bieber plans on taking his shirt off midway through the set to take dozens of sullen-faced selfies with whatever camera phone plans on sponsoring the event.

The Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show is slated to air on February 2nd, 2014 at Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith