Blackhawks

"I just wanted to skate around with the puck and do different spin-o-ramas until the two minutes were up," said Kane. "But maybe now I should try to throw it at the net or something."

"I was still drunk four hours after I got to work on Thursday," said Hawks fan Tom Benson, referring to the day after the three-overtime Game 1 that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. "Plus now I can check out the first period before work on Monday, then see the game-winning goal when I get home."

“I’m glad to finally reach a point where my teammates and even a few fans will remember my name,” said Bickell. “Up until two weeks ago, Coach Q called me ‘Hey, big guy!’ And when my jerseys came misspelled? Oh man ... Frolik still calls me ‘Bickett.’”

“And since those yahoos at Yahoo Sports are all picking Boston to win the Cup, the Sox have to be at the UC to bring good karma and show our support in full force.”

Injured Blackhawks goalie Corey Crawford was spotted golfing at Donald Trump’s famed Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida this past weekend. This comes as confusing news to fans who have been in the dark about the Crawford’s mysterious “upper-body injury” for several weeks.

"Today we make the disappointing announcement that the United Center will reopen for Blackhawks and Bulls fans," said Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot. "We hope the fans of these downtrodden organizations will accept our deepest condolences when forced to make the unenviable decision to return to a game to watch either of these pathetic teams attempt to compete at a professional level."

As the Blackhawks part ways with goalie Corey Crawford, the team's marketing department rushed to compile a tribute video when someone had an idea.