Friday, March 5, 2021

Several Blackhawks still in running on America’s Got Talent

“This year, I discovered my ability to grow the beard of a 50-year-old lumberjack within minutes,” said Saad.

Wellness Check: Sun-Times sports reporter & former Heckler intern Brian Sandalow

Today's Wellness Check is with Sun-Times sports reporter Brian Sandalow. Based on a chance meeting at a Cubs game with Brad, Brian actually got his start "journalism" with The Heckler, where he "interned" for a couple years while in high school. Listen here!

NHL, NHLPA stuck on whether to move Canucks, or burn Vancouver, then move Canucks

“Whether you’re a big-shot team owner or a fourth-line enforcer, everyone can agree that we’re tired of Vancouver’s crap,” said the unnamed source. “I mean, they already tore half the city down themselves. These guys just want to finish the job.”

Blackhawks take act back on the road

The Blackhawks began their two week road-trip with a victory Wednesday night, overcoming the Mighty Disney Anaheim Ducks of Anaheim by a score of 3-2. The Blackhawks needed the boost after going 6-6 in the lackluster month of January, including a drubbing by the rival Red Wings at the Winter Classic.

Putin rescinds controversial gay propaganda laws after meeting Patrick Sharp

“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”

Quenneville’s mustache added to fourth line

Injuries and inconsistent play have caused Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville to juggle player lines more than usual this season. Everybody from rarely-deployed defenseman Jordan Hendry to a seemingly random stream of Rockford Ice Hogs has made an appearance at forward for the Hawks.

Patrick Kane’s dad sneaks ‘Miracle on Ice’ into game film, triggers son’s hat trick

Asked about the video, Pat Kane Sr. said “Yeah, yeah, yeah … 22 career playoff goals. Of course they’re in the video. But Patrick scored the hat trick because I secretly spliced Miracle on Ice into the film. You know, subliminally, the way the words ‘order a pizza’ are invisibly edited into those late night infomercials for exercise machines.”