Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Quenneville, Toews celebrate 1st seed lock with angry staring contest

“We were all out on the ice and I don’t think anybody noticed until the smoke started pouring out of their ears,” said Duncan Keith. “Somebody said coach’s mustache grew by like an inch at one point.”

Rest of NHL agrees to participate in yet another Blackhawks or Kings Cup run

“The owners could have made at least one unreasonable demand,” Bettman was overheard lamenting to a confidant. “Otherwise what am I doing here? All I’ve got is this cheap suit and my idea to dot the greater southwestern desert with unprofitable teams.”

Bandwagon fan doesn’t get Versus Network, forced to make up recap of Hawks home...

The Blackhawks game must have been moved to the dark side of the moon on Monday, as they got beat 4-1 and weren't even on TV. Perhaps programmers confused fan interest in the Wild with that of the Minnesota Timberwolves?

NHL bans pregame warm-ups after key Stanley Cup injuries

In what has been a very challenging year for the National Hockey League, the latest controversial move by Commissioner Gary Bettman is a decision that bans teams taking part in a pregame warm-up.

Corey Crawford spotted golfing at Mar-a-Lago

Injured Blackhawks goalie Corey Crawford was spotted golfing at Donald Trump’s famed Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida this past weekend. This comes as confusing news to fans who have been in the dark about the Crawford’s mysterious “upper-body injury” for several weeks.

July 09 issue is out: Busch Stadium gets indoor plumbing; Ozzie adopts Wrigley rat;...

Great news: The Heckler's July issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.

Blackhawks forward Hossa admits radioactive spiders were large part of rehab

Suspicions were confirmed during a recent game, when Hossa scurried over a glass wall and into the penalty box without opening the door.