With the unstoppable Patrick Sharp scoring a hat-trick on his birthday and Patrick Kane riding perpetual point streaks, the Blackhawks have taken a stab at expanding on the success of their dynamic Patricks: yesterday they signed Patrick Ewing, Patrick Stewart and traded for Neil Patrick Harris.

“We feel it is no coincidence Patricks play well here in Chicago,” said GM Stan Bowman. “They’re handsome and they like to shoot the puck. Even if this whole thing fails and the new additions don’t perform, Patricks are generally just super nice guys.”

Ewing will be added to the defensive corps, Stewart will compete for a spot on the fourth line and Harris will, in his own words, “Just be awesome.”

Stewart has issued this statement:

“I am Jean Luc Picard, formerly of the USS Enterprise. A hockey contract was requested and we have made it so. Engage!”

It is easy to see why the Blackhawks would covet the athleticism of former basketball star Ewing and the toughness of Stewart, but the acquisition of Harris has many fans wondering. Especially since they sent two young prospects to the set of How I Met Your Mother for the actor. Harris, of course, responded.

“For years I have played a character on television who has won numerous laser tag championships. If you fail to see how that translates onto the ice, just wait for it…”

A multi-year offer to Danica Patrick is also on the table.

Bandwagon Dan