After five years as Detroit’s head coach, Jim Schwartz was fired today for failing to make the playoffs this year despite a 6-2 start. Schwartz said he’s decided to stay in Detroit, where he’s confident he’ll be able to find a new job in short order.

“I’ve come to love this city so I’m going to stay here and find work doing something else,” said Schwartz. “Sure, the unemployment rate here is nearly 20 percent, but I’m a self-starter with experience managing difficult people in a high stress environment. I’m sure there’s a market for that kind of talent here, right?”