After Aaron Rodgers threw for 318 yards and two touchdowns in his first game since breaking his collarbone nearly two months ago, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler has decided to break his own clavicle in a desperate bid to improve his level of play for ensuing seasons.

Shortly before he smashed his left collarbone savagely with a hammer, he told reporters, “I had a theory that, if you break a bone and let it heal, it ends up even stronger than before. And then, next thing you know, Rodgers is out there smoking us with his new and improved collarbone, so I figured that it couldn’t hurt to at least try.”

Cutler will spend the first two months of the offseason nursing his self-inflicted injury, which he also hopes will increase the value of any contract the future unrestricted free agent is offered.

While Cutler cites Rodgers as his primary inspiration for smashing his own body with a blunt instrument until it broke in an agonizing fashion, he admitted that the plot of the classic baseball film, Rookie of the Year, also informed his decision.

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith