Blackhawks

"Oh, I plan to be a lot more diligent with the Rogaine," said Bettman, who suffers from male pattern baldness. "I also want to spend more time watching basketball, hope to lose 10 pounds and no matter what happens -- I will nap at least five hours a day in 2013."

"Mr. Kane was not the only one on the hill," a police spokesman said. "But he was the easiest to catch as he had never skied before."

“Whether you’re a big-shot team owner or a fourth-line enforcer, everyone can agree that we’re tired of Vancouver’s crap,” said the unnamed source. “I mean, they already tore half the city down themselves. These guys just want to finish the job.”

"Before the transplant I was always doubting myself and being kind of a wuss," said Benson. "But now that I have this thick, lustrous mustache, I can do anything! It's only been on my face two days, and I've already demanded a promotion and had sex with the hottest woman in the office."

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See the red-hot Hawks return from the Circus Trip in style with your friends from The Heckler, but you'll have to do it in a hurry while time remains to get the early bird deal. Click here to buy right away. http://nov29hawkstrip.eventbrite.com/