By knocking the Red Sox out of the playoff hunt with a walk-off ninth inning win in the final game of the season, the Baltimore Orioles enjoyed being relevant this late in the season for the first time since the team's last playoff appearance in 1997.
"You have a problem with me leaving my wife while she's battling cancer? Fine," said Lackey, who gave up three runs in six innings and set Boston up for a dramatic 14-inning win over the Yankees. "But do you have to remind me my ERA is hovering over six all year? Jerk."
"I could just cheer for the Sox to win out against the Orioles, but they took three of four from us at home just last week" said Branham, whose Red Sox have won only six of 24 games this month. "No chance we sweep 'em."
“We can’t wait to have him in the lineup,” Boston manager Terry Francona beamed. “We will preheat the oven at 350 an hour before the Yankee series. He should be warmed up and ready to go in no time. He doesn’t need batting practice. He’s Ted Williams!”
Even though the Yankees clinched the AL East over Red Sox earlier this week, Boston GM Theo Epstein has clinched the Stud GM title over Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “I get laid a lot,” Epstein recently boasted. “Way more than that putz Cashman.”