Friday, April 19, 2024

Red Sox blame collapse on Tom Brady’s haircut

Moments after being eliminated from the playoffs, Red Sox players blamed their epic collapse on Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s recent haircut, which drew headlines around the country Wednesday.

Lackey upset over text message reminding him what a terrible person, mediocre pitcher he...

"You have a problem with me leaving my wife while she's battling cancer? Fine," said Lackey, who gave up three runs in six innings and set Boston up for a dramatic 14-inning win over the Yankees. "But do you have to remind me my ERA is hovering over six all year? Jerk."

Red Sox fan admits cheering for Yankees this week ‘feels dirty,’ does it anyway

"I could just cheer for the Sox to win out against the Orioles, but they took three of four from us at home just last week" said Branham, whose Red Sox have won only six of 24 games this month. "No chance we sweep 'em."

David Ortiz has panic attack in on-deck circle

As if things couldn’t get any worse in Sox Nation, Red Sox DH David Ortiz suffered a panic attack during Saturday's 9-1 loss to the Yankees.

Red Sox thaw Ted Williams for playoff run

“We can’t wait to have him in the lineup,” Boston manager Terry Francona beamed. “We will preheat the oven at 350 an hour before the Yankee series. He should be warmed up and ready to go in no time. He doesn’t need batting practice. He’s Ted Williams!”

Theo Epstein claims he ‘gets laid way more than Cashman’

Even though the Yankees clinched the AL East over Red Sox earlier this week, Boston GM Theo Epstein has clinched the Stud GM title over Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “I get laid a lot,” Epstein recently boasted. “Way more than that putz Cashman.”

Red Sox recruit Mothra to attack Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes

Controversy is swirling over Terry Francona’s decision to unleash Mothra against Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes in the sixth inning of Wednesday’s game at Fenway Park. While the Red Sox maintain the move was perfectly legal, Yankees officials are in an uproar.