“We don’t care if the fans are behind us or not,” said DH David Ortiz. “If we suck that bad, we won’t even need Boston fans following because all the Yankee fans will start pulling for us to lose. So it’s a win-win situation no matter how bad it gets.”
More than five years of attempts to preserve the endangered Nomar Garciaparra Cubs jersey have come up short, it was learned early Sunday. The last known Garciaparra No. 5 met its end when its caretaker, 31-year-old Phil Hurley of Des Plaines had much of his wardrobe set aflame by his ex-girlfriend during an epic fight that subsequently ended the couple’s relationship.
“I have accomplished all I want to in this game, from winning World Series to hair growth to getting suspended for steroids,” said the slugger as he climbed on the actual Devil Ray in the Tropicana Field tank for a quick ride. “Weeeeee, riding this fish is fun!"