When Manny Ramirez signed with the Tampa Bay Rays this off-season, many wondered if the potential Hall of Famer could sink any lower while trying to collect a paycheck.

Ramirez, who starred on the powerhouse 1990s Indians, two World Series-champion Red Sox teams and the playoff caliber Dodgers of the past two seasons, would seem an odd fit with the rebuilding and attendance-challenged Rays.

However, in yet another case of “Manny being Manny,” he insisted he’ll sink even lower in 2012 and sign a minor league, non-guaranteed offer with the Cubs so he can concentrate on his goofball antics instead of actual baseball.

“I have accomplished all I want to in this game, from winning World Series to hair growth to getting suspended for steroids,” said the slugger as he climbed on the actual Devil Ray in the Tropicana Field tank for a quick ride. “Weeeeee, riding this fish is fun! I’m really going to enjoy playing here where there’s no pressure to win. Manny not need the stress anymore. Then next year I play for Cubs, Manny can relax even more.”

Ramirez said he looked forward to hiding in the Wrigley Field ivy for entire innings, drinking beer while waiting on-deck and spit-shining Mike Quade’s head. He added he would like to finish he career in 2013 playing 16-inch softball for some local bar or working at 7-Eleven where he hoped he’d get an RBI for every Slurpee he made.

By Patrick Olson

Patrick O. Elia