As Fenway Park commemorated its 100th anniversary last weekend, Red Sox Nation’s adulation turned to horror on Saturday when their beloved BoSox took the enthusiastic crowd on a metaphorical trip back to 1912 and reenacted what appeared to be their own spontaneous interpretation of the voyage of the ill-fated Titanic.
According to Epstein, when Bowden arrived in Chicago, he learned both pitchers are six-foot-four, 220 pounds and have eerily similar throwing motions. Oddly, both answer to the name "Chris" or "Carp."
“We all have to bear this time of transition together,” said Ricketts. “Also, to be clear, he’s only getting the names of Cubs fans we haven’t already sold to advertisers. Ten-thousand of you are named ‘Reebok’ now, by the way.”
The Red Sox finally received compensation for Theo Epstein from the Cubs in the form of a right handed pitcher named Chris Carpenter – unfortunately nobody told new Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine the it wasn’t the Cy Young-winning Chris Carpenter.
"I am so excited," said head groundskeeper Keith Graham. "To get that kind of knowledge about the ivy is priceless. Every time I watched a Cubs game, I would see Soriano digging in and sprucing up the foliage."